Fond Memories of Sir Jimmy Savile OBE RIP

"BY" PAUL MERTON

Apparently, this was actually recorded during the last series of "Have I Got  News For You" when Jimmy Saville was a guest on Paul Merton's team.  Incredibly, it didn't make our screens. (It seems that Mr.  Merton doesn't  like Mr. Saville very much)

Out-take 3:09'36  

During the headline round:  

DEAYTON: You used to be a wrestler didn't you?

SAVILLE: I still am.  

DEAYTON: Are you?  

SAVILLE: I'm feared in every girls' school in the country.  (Audience laugh)  

DEAYTON: Yeah, I've heard about that.  

SAVILLE: What have you heard?  

DEAYTON: I've...  

MERTON: Something about a cunt with a rancid, pus-filled cock.  (Huge audience laugh; Awkward pause)  

SAVILLE: I advise you to wash your mouth out, my friend...  

MERTON: That's what she had to do! (Audience laughs)  

HISLOP: Weren't you leaving money in phone boxes or something?  (Saville glares at him) Or have I got completely the wrong end of the...  

SAVILLE: (To Deayton, heavily) The question you asked was about wrestling.  

DEAYTON: Yes. And then you mentioned girls' schools. I don't know whe...  

SAVILLE: Well I understood this was a comedy programme. I realise now how wrong I was. (Audience laugh)  

DEAYTON: So were you a professional wrestler?  

SAVILLE: Yes I was.  

DEAYTON: (To audience) Glad we got that cleared up.(Pulls face; audience giggles)

HISLOP: Feared by every girls' school in the country...  

SAVILLE: That's right.  

MERTON: Due to having a rancid, pus-filled cock.(Huge audience laugh)  

DEAYTON: Erm...  

HISLOP: You're on top form tonight, Paul...  

SAVILLE: (Strangely) I'm...this is not what I...  

FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV) OK, do you...(inaudible section)...shall we, for pick-ups...  

MERTON: I'm terribly sorry. I don't know what came over me.  

SAVILLE: A pus-filled cock, I imagine. (Shocked audience laugh)  

MERTON: Oh, it's nice to see you joining in. We'd been waiting for you, you sad senile old shitter. (Audience appears to do double-take)  

DEAYTON: I think we...d-d-you you want to apologise to our guest, Paul?  

MERTON: Sorry, I do apologise. Sir senile old shitter, is what I meant to say. (Audience laugh; pause) Sir senile old shitter...who fucks minors.  (Audience unrest) 

HISLOP: Sorry, I'm just looking at our lawyer again. (Waves) Hello!  (Audience laughs) 

DEAYTON: Shall we get back on course with this, or sha...  
SAVILLE: I do fuck miners, that's quite correct. I have always done so. They can do the most wonderful things with cigars. The coal...  
MERTON: What, they stick them up your senile, pus-filled arse?  (Audience laughs)  
FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV): Come on...I'm getting an ear-bashing here. It's...  
MERTON: Oh they want to continue. Sorry, I'll contain myself. Carry on...  
DEAYTON: Right (Pause) You used to be a professional wrestler didn't you?  (Huge audience laugh)  
SAVILLE: (Calmly) I did.  
DEAYTON: You didn't have a nickname or anything?  
SAVILLE: Yes - 'Loser'. (Audience laughs)  

Out-take 4: 21'20  
Following a discussion about caravans:  
DEAYTON: Last month, Roger Moore sold his luxury caravan in Malta. Asked by the...  
MERTON: I visited your caravan the other week, Jimmy.  
SAVILLE: Did you really?  
MERTON: Oh yes. Interesting what you can find, if you have a bit of a poke.  (Audience laugh)  
HISLOP: He just told you, it was twelve years ago...  
SAVILLE: No, I lived in it for twelve years.  
MERTON: And fucked twelve year olds. (Audience laugh)  
DEAYTON: Here we go again...I'll be backstage if anyone wants me.  
MERTON: (Indicating Saville) That's what you said to the kids on your show, wasn't it?  (Audience laugh)  
SAVILLE: No, they never did want me.  
HISLOP: Not even Sarah Cornley?  
SAVILLE: She was an exception.  
DEAYTON: Who's Sarah Cornley?  
SAVILLE: Sarah Cornley is...  
HISLOP: About fifteen grand in damages, wasn't she?  (Uncertain audience laugh)  
SAVILLE: That's right.  
HISLOP: So if I was going to mention that you threatened to break her arm if she said anything...  
SAVILLE: You'd be very wrong. (Pause) I said I'd break both her arms.  (Audience unease)  
MERTON: Fucking hell. I mean, you're just sitting there, all shell suit and cigar wearing those fucking...I don't know what they are.  
SAVILLE: Chrome-plated SC-700 sun-visors, these are. Sent to me by...  
MERTON: We don't give a shit. Ladies and gentlemen, Sir James Saville OBE. Jim has fixed it for me to have my arms broken. Meet this depressing old fucked up cunt of a fucker on television who's riddled with cancer and fucking pubic lice.  
HISLOP: (To lawyer again) Hello! (Audience laughs)  
MERTON: Christ, I mean ha ha, big fucking joke - the fucking lawyers are involved, tee hee. It doesn't change anything.  
DEAYTON:  (Visibly out of character) Do you wanna stop, or...?
MERTON: No I don't fucking want to stop. It's all shit! You'll expect a comedy walkout in a minute, won't you? I mean, big bloody joke - I'm going to quote Shakespeare in a minute, how fucking out of character. And Ian knows about football - oh my fucking sides. 
SAVILLE: You've never fucked anyone in your life, boy.  
MERTON: Oh fuck off...  
FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV) ...About five minutes, just to...(Phil Davey enters)  
PHIL DAVEY: OK, well top that as they say. You're looking troubled by that, aren't you mate? I tell you, I came back from Amsterdam recently...  
RECORDING PLACED ON STAND-BY; CUTS BACK TO CLOSE-UP OF DEAYTON  AWAITING HIS CUE
DEAYTON: OK. Second time lucky. (Pause) Last month, Roger Moore sold  his luxury caravan in Malta. Asked by the New York Times about his relaxed acting style...
*******
An amusing, shocking story that's been around for years. However, if you Goggle "Sarah Cornley", all you get is references back to this "story".
The Internet is a dangerous place.................

Where's my cut? Making people famous...

This guy was just another freak until he appeared on these hallowed pages.

Grateful? HA. Not a fucking word.

Pulp Fiction

The Grasshopper and the Ant

Every now and then I see cut and pastes on the internet forums, homilies and faux personal insights, parables and poems that have been posted by members, eager to share something that they really agree with, also forgetting to mention that they didn't write it, secretly hoping that 'friends' will think "Wow, WhiteWarrior111 really knows where it's at!"
They are usually full of conservative WASP moral values, with a punchline that's as easy to remember, and come in various hues of racism.
Being an old billy-no-mates who doesn't do social and can only look at so much bike related stuff on the Net, I occasionally track their antecedents down, usually wading through increasingly bizarre right wing fantasies before ending up with the BNP site, or some US conspiracy blog.
One such was this:

The ant and the grasshopper.

The ant works hard In the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house And laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, And ABC show up to Provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant In his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
Is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper And everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green...'

ACORN stages A demonstration in front of the ant's House where the news stations film the SEIU group singing, We shall overcome.

Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright Has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper's sake, while he damns the ants.

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope For the grasshopper's plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview on CNN that the ant has
gotten rich off the back of the Grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts The Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of The summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number Of green bugs and,
having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper And his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.


Note the spacing, to let the prose sink in, or allow room for an inspired underlining slash of marker pen. !! !

Put the first line in Google and the earliest reference to this particular version is 5 years old, on Right Truth, an American blog whose sub title, "counterterrorism, politics, religion, ..." doesn't promise a laugh a minute. And it's true to its promise.

The posts and titles I skimmed were typical of these sites, the POTUS is referred to Barack Hussein Obama and blamed for everything, the comments are surreal and the blogroll is huge, mutually linking other crazies in a webclick popularity Ponzi scheme.

This political spam seems to have cyclical popularity. Most of the other links are recent, near to exactly 5 years after the original, a strangely round number that would indicate some sort of sinister software, accumulating and timing for fixed periods to reactivate random propaganda. Well it would if you were as paranoid about things as the regulars on these blogs.

So, Right Truth, who and what are you? You're edited by Debbie Hamilton, a very wholesome name, very WASPish, pictured in front of The Stars and Stripes

Pretty tasty, huh, in a Barbie sort of way. She just has to have silicon tits and a horse. Anyway, no biog on the blog, no interviews on the Net, but she's on Facebook. She's 60 and lives in west Tennessee. Her husband used to live next door to Carl Perkins.
Her heroes are:
'The passengers of Flight 93 on September 11, 2001. LET'S ROLL! Our military men and women.'

This is the modern version of course, updated to paint recognisable hate figures as left wing wasteful grasshoppers, and the genuine American ants with a blue collar and a red neck.

The whole anthropomorphic comparison is shaky anyway, a true blue Tennesee girl would probably associate "ant" with "communist" in a word association test.

For the original, we go all the way back to the bloke who wrote most of the stories ever written, Aesop and his Fables, around 600 BC. This is number 373 on the Perry Index, drawing the logical conclusion often stated in the separate Moral of the Story punchlines:
"Idleness brings want"
"To work today is to eat tomorrow"
"Beware of winter before it comes"

These are echoed by none other than that most august of historical reference books, the Bible, in the Book of Proverbs, Old (Jewish) Testament 6:6-9:
"Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her ways and be wise, which having no captain, overseer or ruler, provides her supplies in the summer, and gathers her food in the harvest"

'....which having no captain, overseer or ruler...."

Which = evidence that G-d is a Marxist.

Number 166 presents a different interpretation, using a cicada beetle as the grasshopper character, as the early Greeks did.
Here the ant was once a man who was always busy farming. Not satisfied with the results of his own labour, he plundered his neighbours' crops at night.
This angered the king of the gods, who turned him into what is now an ant. Yet even though the man had changed his shape, he did not change his habits and still goes around the fields gathering the fruits of other people's labour, storing them up for himself.
The moral in this interpretation is that it is easier to change in appearance than to change one's moral nature.

The French identify the singing wasteful beetle with voluptuous females, hopelessly unequipped for the 'real world' as in this excuse for an ogle "When the north wind came" as a satire on Napoleon's failures in cold Prussia.


French fabulists even enlist a third character, the bee, whose presence breaks the deadlock and they all end up living happily ever after. The Catholics tacked a twist on the end, Updike, Joyce and Somerset Maugham played with different versions for differing reasons, but the modern US version is based on that great American Walt Disney's cartoon critique of that commie bastard Roosevelt's New Deal.

In his version however, the wasteful=artistic Grasshopper musician is cut a deal for food by the hardworking=responsible ant farmer, and allowed enough food to survive in exchange for music lessons and entertainment. This is a very soft line for Disney to take against his own ideological enemies, the spongers and wasters, possibly explainable by the parallel debate about the 'value' of artists to/in society, one of which he undoubtedly was.

In a hard line alternative, the ant refuses this deal when it is offered by the grasshopper, saying "I don't want my children to learn music, I want them to learn something useful to put food in the store."

But Debbie, if no-one learns music, who's going to be in the "rock and roll bands" (that you 'would most like to meat'... sorry meet'), and what sort of 'Lover of Freedom' can an ant really be?

Say hello, Pinhead.

Ninos Robados: my Favourite Church Strikes Again.

Los Niños perdidos del franquismo o niños robados por el franquismo, son aquellos niños que, durante la Guerra Civil Española y la posguerra española, fueron arrebatados a sus madres republicanas, bien porque estaban en la cárcel o porque habían sido asesinadas por el ejército golpista.

1) Los delitos de los que fueron objeto son: secuestro, tráfico de niños y adopción ilegal.

2) Los Niños perdidos del franquismo es un episodio poco conocido de la historia reciente de España. Hace referencia a la desaparición de hijos pequeños de republicanos y la separación forzosa de sus familias por parte de la represión franquista.

Conforme las tropas sublevadas de Franco ganaban terreno, las prisiones se llenaban de personas que habían sido leales a la República. Entre los prisioneros había miles de mujeres militantes de partidos políticos de izquierda o, simplemente, esposas, madres o hermanas de republicanos.

Las cárceles también se llenaban de niños que nacieron o que ingresaron en la prisión con sus madres y que pasaron los primeros años de su vida privados de libertad por ser hijos de republicanos.

Radio 4

"Stalin would order 5,000 prisoners shot. If there weren't enough prisoners, they would drag people off the street and shoot them."